How to recover from Depression, PTSD, Anxiety & Panic attacks? – A personal story.
In my thirties, what seems like another lifetime, and before l became a gut health specialist, l thought l had my depression PTSD and anxiety under control. That was until I started suffering from crippling panic attacks frequently.
The worst the panic attacks got, the worst they got.
I remember driving to work one day along the motorway and l started freaking out about my work commitments, this was enough to trigger a panic attack, and in that exact moment, I felt like l had no control.
My panic soon moved away from my work commitments onto panicking about getting to work safely. Fortunately, physically I arrived at work, but mentally inside l was a mess.
I went straight to the sick room and laid down.
With nowhere to run, just lost in my head, I felt like I sinking into a black hole.
That was not the even the worst of it.
The most prolonged panic attack l experienced lasted for two days, two nights, during which time, I felt like l was losing my mind as l had no control over it.
With no sleep for 48 hours, l was hallucinating and being increasingly paranoid.
What got me to this point in my life was a story of events that unfolded over many years.
PTSD the silent killer
When I grew up, I had a strong determination to be empowered in life.
This driving force within me came from years of bullying in the school playground and living in constant fear and anxiety from my predators.
Too young to process at the time the impact this fear and anxiety had on me, l would pray and dream for a better life once l was eighteen and old enough to leave home.
Once eighteen l enrolled in a university degree, left home and moved over a hundred miles away, in the UK where l was living at the time to study in London.
I followed the family tradition and studied in the construction and engineering fields. This area of study was not my passion, but l didn’t know what else to do. I was just so glad to leave home and my past behind me.
Although l found studying challenging, I soon started to enjoy the freedom of living an independent life away from home. I started going out having fun, and for the first time in my life, I was getting male attention.
Growing up, I did not get male attention, so this was all new to me, and l enjoying every moment.
The next few years at university were some of the best of my life, and I thought the past was well and truly behind me.
I had no idea at that point in my life, during my carefree twenties, that my past was buried deep inside my subconscious, and would re-emerge and get triggered as PTSD some years later in life.
Success, tragedy & falling apart.
On graduation, l got a job working for a large building contractor in London and climbed the corporate career ladder. I was in charge of planning construction work phases and helped manage project controls. Although the job was stressful, l loved the challenges and enjoyed an active social life in and around work.
Life was on the up, and up and after five years working in London, I saved enough to travel the world and left the UK.
After travelling for six months, I secured construction roles working first in Australia, then Asia and back to Australia.
I was living the dream, riding the wave, then things gradually started to fall apart.
The constant travelling with work, living out of a suitcase and working in Taiwan, Asia by myself as a minority western woman, started to affect my mental health.
When l returned to Australia for new year’s, between assignments in Taiwan, my friends noticed that I was not myself. I had to admit back then that I did feel different, and not in a positive way.
After spending time with close friends in Sydney over new year’s I realized was l was missing. That connection of friendship, fun, love, laughter and intimacy. I realized that working in Taiwan by myself had left me feeling isolated, distant, lonely and lost.
The thought of getting back on that plane returning to Taiwan was not something I was looking forward too. However, I managed to make the return journey and continued working in Taiwan for another few months and in the process, began feeling more isolated, distant, lonely and lost than ever before.
In an attempt to save my sanity, I decided to terminate my contact in Taiwan and return to Australia.
I thought this was the solution. However, this could not have been further from the truth.
I returned to Australia to work in Melbourne, not knowing anyone in this new city, feelings of isolation and loneliness continued to stay with me.
I went out partying to try to make friends. Unfortunately, with the low vibrational energy, I was emitting, I was only attracting negative people and situations. Feelings of loneliness started to turn into frustration and anger as I felt increasingly trapped in a confused and anxious state. Not knowing how to deal with my emotions, I started drinking more to suppress my feelings.
With my mental health declining, it only got worse. Later that year, my dear beloved grandmother that I held so close and dear to my heart passed away, and soon after my parents divorced.
My world was falling apart.
Already in a depressive state of mind and feeling increasingly isolated, lonely, lost, frustrated and angry, I was now also faced with emotions of sadness, loss and grief.
The emotional turmoil and pain I felt were just too much, and I took to drinking more and more alcohol and medications to suppress and numb the pain.
My life soon started sparling out of control.
With so many mixed emotions going around in my head, I could not think straight, all l wanted to do was feel good again, and the more I tried to get back to that place of feeling good with drugs and alcohol the more I was losing control.
When I was losing control, l remember having vivid dreams and flashbacks to my childhood bullying.
The post-traumatic stress I experienced as a child, buried deep in my subconscious was triggered and resurfaced. However, I did not identify it as PTSD at the time, but never the less I realized that the painful emotions I was feeling at this time in my life were as painful as I had felt in childhood. They dug deep and brought up some painful scars.
As feelings of PTSD continued, this triggered even more of a heightened negative emotional state.
It was then the panic attracts started and continued for many months after that until that day l had a panic attack driving to work on the motorway.
Not time to check out yet
I remember clearly to this day, lying in bed one morning on the weekend, I opened my eyes to yet another hangover. Completely numb, staring up at the ceiling, l felt my soul checking out, but in just that moment, I heard a voice deep within me call out to say that it was not my time.
Not time to check out yet.
Processing this realization, was the tipping point of coming back to reality.
However, I had no idea how to come back to reality emotionally, and even begin to climb out of the big black hole I was lost in, regardless, this was a start – a start to a process of healing and recovery.
Getting my life back – the road to recovery
Soon after nearly checking out, bit by bit, I started getting my life back.
It was not an easy process, but l had to start somewhere.
I began with a trip to the Doctor’s office.
After a few months of seeing many health specialists, the diagnoses were depression, PTSD, anxiety, panic disorder, leaky gut syndrome, chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS), chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, autoimmune disease fibromyalgia, repetitive strain injury, carpal tunnel to both wrists and periodontal disease.
My health was a mess, and all I wanted was a script to make the pain go away and make my life go back to normal. However, after self-medicating on a cocktail of drink and drugs for many years, l knew deep down that more medications were not the real answer.
I began a program of combined healing therapies, western medicine, holistic medicine and alternative therapies.
The Doctor prescribed a program of cognitive behavior therapy to help work on my depression, anxiety, panic disorder and PTSD. I also had anti-anxiety medication to control panic attacks in emergencies.
I began seeing a naturopath and started taking Western and Chinese herbal medicine to help regulate my breathing, manage the chronic fatigue syndrome and also took herbs and plant-based medicine to detox my body, heal my leaky gut and rid my body of toxins, pain and inflammation.
Following this treatment plan, it took two years to turn my life around, heal myself, and eradicate all pain, and disease in my body. Doctors were amazed by my progress, especially as they told me there was no cure for autoimmune disease, yet I was symptom-free.
My health and healing journey astounded me too, so much so, that I felt deeply inspired and compelled to study the science behind what l had learnt.
I enrolled to study Naturopathy, Nutrition and Herbal Medicine at night school while working a day job.
On graduating three years later, l went on to begin a new life, leaving the past well and truly behind me, l said goodbye to my former construction career. I also said goodbye to years of depression, anxiety, PTSD, panic disorder, leaky gut syndrome, chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS), chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, fibromyalgia, repetitive strain injury, carpal tunnel and periodontal disease and finally got my life back under control.
After this life experience, I realize that you have to learn to ride the waves in life.
Nothing is clear cut, and when you think you have it all figured out, life can throw you in another direction.
Fortunately for me, life threw me into a direction that ended up working in my favor. A new career direction, I am entirely passionate about, unlike before working in construction, that did not fill my heart and soul.
Now I have made it my life work to help as many people as possible learn how they too can heal from a lifetime of pain, suffering and disease.
No one should have to suffer, and your body wants to heal.
Now it is my turn to give back and help you.
If you are suffering from any of the health conditions I have mentioned in my story and would like to learn how you can heal your health problems, you are welcome to download my signature program, “5-Steps to Amazing Gut Health, Cleanse Heal & Thrive” for Free!
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Love, light and blessings Amanda xx